Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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