She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
