Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
