She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
