She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
