i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
