she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
