she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
