wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
