id be glad to
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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