This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We need to get me chipped asap
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
