Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
