I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
