this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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