I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
