Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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