You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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