she woke up with a sticky ear
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
