How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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