He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
