Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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