my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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