my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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