it was like his penis was on wheels.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
