I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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