College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
