I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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