I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
As shirtless as possible
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
