Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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