i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
