My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize