I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone threw a dead crab at me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am naked and annoyed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
