she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
