I need to stop coming to work sober
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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