I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
