Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
