So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there was a trapeze. enough said
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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