i barfeds in our rink
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
