the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
