I CAN MOONWALK!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
