My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
