Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
