Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
