Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
