her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
