the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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