Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
