You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
