i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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