Your dad touched me again.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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