Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
as a side note pls kill me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
