I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
