it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
