i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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