im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
